Frustrations

on Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Hello there. It has been a while, as always.
Sadly, i will not be updating about what am i up to these days since the only memorable thing i only remember for the past two weeks is fighting a monster in my dream.
Anyways, i am done with foundation! Sounds thrilling, but not really.

Have you ever planned something and you are really excited about it? Don't you just love it when you feel confident about something that you really put your full effort into? Don't you just feel like you betrayed yourself at the end when nothing seems to go the way you wanted. Life is a funny game they say, i agree. It is indeed a game that loves to torture the one who basically killed his/her life in order to succeed. But life will always find a way to fuck everything up.

A text from the lecturer was something i have been yearning for weeks! I was mentally prepared and was ready to fight any monster that comes in the exam hall. Thinking that i've successfully killed the nasty monster, i left the dungeon with my wings bringing me up to the heavens, only to be attacked by a flying hawk on my way there. Falling down from there was hurtful to say the least.

LOL what did i write there even i don't know. What i'm trying to say was, i am just upset over the things i do. I've sacrificed a lot of time and effort to ace one thing but that thing didn't reply me back the way i wanted. Sure it gave me at least something in return but that's not what i need, that is not going to help me in anyway. I love you, but you didn't love me back. It hurts and i am indeed frustrated over that.

I'm taking a time off from something although i might be coming back soon because my bottle of feelings can't handle it any longer.

Congratulations to whoever made it on top, i wish you the best and i hope you'll forever be there when i'm falling.

Doomsday

on Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Hello everyone, yes finally, i'm updating my blog!
Anyways, yesterday was the worst day of my life. I mean it. The result for Sem 2 was released and guess what? I failed a lot. No, i didn't actually fail but i did badly. Probably the worst ever.
So right now i'm trying to do my best for the resit in early June, by removing myself from the dangerous and addictive world of the Internet.
I've successfully banned myself from checking out my facebook account thanks to my friend by helping me change the password. Although i can just ask for a new password, i'm trying my best not to.
And now i'm going to go on a hiatus from Twitter, the most addictive site for me. Even worse than any game that i have played before. Probably i will start today, which i hope will work since it has always been depressing personally for me when i can't tweet at all. Twitter is like a second brain of me where i can just express myself and let people read and try to understand me. Although some find me quite humorous but almost all find me annoying, but that's okay, what is life without being annoying?
That is all for today and yes, since i can't tweet, blog will be my new bestfriend. ^^


on Saturday, March 17, 2012
Hello guys? How are you guys doing? Fine? Good.

Anyways, today i went to HELP University to accompany my friends who wanted to ask about their degree programs. And out of nowhere, i became clueless of what i want to be. I am seriously like a cat, in a bathtub. I'm jealous of seeing my friends asking the people from HELP about the degree program and stuffs like that, because they already know what they want to be, what they want to do and what they are passionate about.

Me? I'm still trapped in a nutshell. Even now, i have problems with my studies. Especially maths. I can say that i'm totally distracted by the whole wide world. But truth be told, i'm not used with the current environment. Since i was a little kid, i've been disciplined by my parents, like what to do at this time, what not to do, what to eat, what to study and all. Here? I'm all alone, nobody's gonna watch me, nobody's gonna judge me when i'm all alone. I need to be more disciplined but how? Everything is in a mess right now!

Finals are coming soon, less than a month specifically. I hope i can just do well. God, please make maths easier lol thanks for reading xx

Exams and Vday~

on Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Hey guys!

Yep, it's 2:12AM now and apparently, i'm forcing myself not to sleep. Why you ask? Cause i got a paper tomorrow. Sigh! Resitting for an exam that you truly abhor sucks totally. Well, abhor is not the suitable word to use, but i can say that i have been losing quite a lot of interest with Chemistry. Sure, it's easy to read through it and memorize it. But for me, application of it is the hardest.

Biology was a bitch for me during Sem 1, luckily i passed tho. But thank God, i have been loving Biology back so much more now in Sem 2. I think it's because i just have no interest in studying plants biology. Sem 2 now focuses more on the Human Body which is for me, the best thing ever to study about. But it does get a little bit hard to remember but what the heck, at least i can grab a hold of it sooner or later.

What the hell am i mumbling here? So anyways, in most countries now, Valentine's Day has just ended, but I think in the US' west or east or whatever cost has/have just started their Vday. I wish you all to have an amazing day. :)

Wish me luck for tomorrow, i'd need it. Hopefully i can increase my grade, like 40% more? If God wills.

Night guys!

Sure..

on Monday, February 13, 2012
Sure, you understand me
Sure, we are alike
Sure, you are always right
Sure, only you went through a lot
Sure, only you have the best life ever
Sure, you are the richest
Sure, you are the most perfect
Sure, you are the busiest person on earth
Sure, you support me

NOW SHUT UP. You don't fucking understand everything, you are not the most perfect person ever! Stop trying to say that you have to go through a lot. You don't know how hard it is to grow up with thousands of insecurities. That's why i never tell you what my problems are, you always think that you are the best. Thinking that you're the best is great but not to an extend where you are just putting others down.

I never tell you anything about what i go through, even if i do, you would stop me and say that you go through things harder than me. What bullshit crap is that? Sure i thank you for leading me before but no, it does not mean that i will become a pesky rotten rat forever. I can grow, i can be better but why must you mock me? Is there something wrong me? When i try to be a better person, you always say that i'm acting and i'm going to be worst. I don't care, just stop it.

Not just to me, but to others as well. Sometimes i wish that i didn't meet you. Sometimes i wish that you would at least understand me, listen to me and actually give me advice not to make me feel shittier. Thank you then
on Sunday, February 12, 2012
And it's Monday again!

Luckily for me, i have one week off from college! Yay? Nay.

I have to resit for an paper this week hence why i can't go back to Kuching. I really am suffering from homesick. Now i understand why people tend to nag that they want to go back to their hometown and stuffs like that. It's hard. But i have to be strong for an even better future, hopefully.

Wish me luck for my exam ^^

Well hello.

on Saturday, February 11, 2012
WOW! Finally! A post in 2012!

What's up everyone? I'm fine thank you.

Anyways, i hope everyone is having a good time in 2012. Me? It's quite upsetting really.

Recently, i just got my Semester 1 results and yep, i didn't do well. I don't have anyone else to blame other than myself. And now, if God wills, i will try my best to increase my pointer a little bit more so i can have a better future ahead.

Plus, i am now living alone! Yay? Nop. It's quite boring and worrisome really. At least if you have another person staying with you, you can at least communicate with a human not a laptop. And don't get me started with the house cleanliness or safety. It's scary to be living alone especially in this dangerous land where i am just a small petite(lol yeah) human wanting to live like a normal person. Hopefully i can shed off some of my fear from living alone as time goes by. :)

Yippie a pretty much long update eh? :D

Thanks :D