Future

on Saturday, April 12, 2014
Okay, so i just asked a Biotech graduate about his current life after degree and if it was easy for him to find a proper job.

And as expected, he said no and Biotech is a dead field in Malaysia.

And this stresses the fuck out of me now.

Like what the fuck am i doing with my life? Why am i paying 70k ringgit for a useless fucking degree? What's the point of all of these struggles if in the end i will be nothing to this world?

I am so disappointed. Especially thinking about how i could have been doing a better major now instead of this bullcrap! I am so so worried of the future.

Get me some intoxicating shit i am tired of life.

Resurrection

on Thursday, April 10, 2014
Hello everyone, it has been a while kan?

So yeah i'm doing fine with school! I don't it as much as i used to back in late-2012 though, which is good!

Talking about school, i've always had this really bad habit of being jealous with everyone.

Earlier today, i was taking a break from studying about lame-ass DNA replication and decided to check my facebook. Then i saw an ex-senior from my old high school that is currently majoring in Pharmacy. Not gonna lie, i've always seen him as an inspiration back then mainly due to his passion with Biology. I loved Biology. Now? Not so much. Well, it is still fairly interesting for me to keep my chin up for another a year and a half but i just don't find it as interesting as learning about Physiology? (or Veterinary)

Well i'm steering a little bit off topic here hahaha! & yeah, he's doing Pharmacy now and i find it to be amazing for someone to still has an ambition in this world. Personally for me, I do not like doing whatever i'm doing right now. Like i said, it's fine. Just, not as fun as i thought it would be. I really, really wanted to become a Veterinarian because i find dealing with animals is far more interesting than humans because they work in different ways than humans. Flashback to 2011, got my UPU results and i was picked to do Diploma in Animals Health. I WAS EXCITED as hell! But i didn't get to choose it due to personal reasons.

I told everyone that i wanted to become a Pharmacist or a Doctor or lol, a Dentist when i enrolled in MAHSA. It was a nice dream, and a very expensive one too. I didn't do well cos i was a lil lazy bitch back then and i don't know, i was being rebellious?

I still ask myself, after i'm done with my Degree, what the hell am i going to do? Will i be able to continue my masters? If i can, where? I wanna do it in a foreign place. I am always so, so, so, jealous of my friends and relatives that studied/currently studying overseas. Mostly because they are extremely smart and got sponsored lol! I know this one guy i used to do online revision with back when i was 17. I don't wanna sound like i'm bragging but we were both equally 'smart' i guess. And now, he's studying well in Korea while i'm rotting in Kuching. A place that i've been in for the past 20 years. I'm sick of it. I have also another friend that i met through my dark K-pop days. She is smart as hell and got 2 offers to study in America! Damn girl, you better take it and werk it.

I always comfort my jealousy by telling myself that i will, and must, study or work overseas after this! I will learn a damn new language, learn a fucking new culture and be fucking responsible with my own life. I will show everyone that i fucking can WERK it better than them and i will let them know who fucking runs this world.

There's a similar trait that i observed from all of these smarty pants. I found out that they are always so religious. I don't know why, but is my non-religious self the main reason for my life? Is it why that i'm always so unhappy and ungrateful with everything? I really do try my best to be happy in everything but, it's just too hard!! I find it harder to communicate with God and i feel so bad for myself because at times i even doubt about my prayers. I feel like my prayers will always be thrown away by the Angels. I just don't know why.

Life is SO SO tiring. Hopefully it will be better next time!

Amin.

Now let's get back to Biochemistry hahaha